Wait, I Go Pee

2010-09-09T12:21:00.000+08:00

I wanna learn wing chun and Zen practices at the end of this year :)

2010-08-30T04:44:00.001+08:00

This song never fails to get me to calm down everytime I get all worked up, especially when I try singing along to the entire song, love fun. :)

Love/hate relationships - what's this all about? How can we love yet hate someone all at the same time? I think in this life I've gotta to learn to love more and hate less, but that's really so much easier said than done because bad memories always seem to linger and are always brought to mind so much more readily. I got so pissed off just now I could literally bite a head off, and I went to look back at my diary entries way back then, and all the emotions that I felt back then surged through me like they were still so damn fresh from memory, so raw. All the words still ring so clearly in my head. All these emotions just build up over the years, what I saw back then is still what I see now. I really want to purge all these emotions out. I constantly ask myself why, but never once did I get an answer. Can the good memories justify/erase the bad? I really try to put myself in others' shoes, but who's gonna try putting theirs in mine? If you can't tolerate it anymore, do you still swallow everything down? I read most of my diary entries, some I can't remember what I was writing about, if only memories can be so disposable, but then even if I can run from my memories, I can't run away from my life right now.

Anyway sometimes I think I'm too entrenched in my own thinking, which is really bad because then I can't seem to think out of the box! & I have to get my design and storyboard out this week omg. & some project mates just seem so annoying that I'll rather work on my own than with them. Even with all the work, somehow I feel that I'm kinda taking the backseat for this sem, and just taking things slow which somehow feels like a bad thing...maybe it's a year 3 syndrome.

2010-07-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

2010-07-24T02:26:00.002+08:00

In many ways, no one else in the future will be able to replace those in your past. Rather, it’s important to understand that no one is replaceable; they are just taking up a new spot. I guess that’s what I’ve slowly begun to realize recently. No one is really replaceable because each and every experience with different individuals is just different, it can never be exactly the same - the emotions, the memories, the laughters.

& today every moment felt so fleeting, I wanted to grab a hold on time and just stop it for awhile. I'm already starting to miss my friend :(

2010-07-23T00:25:00.003+08:00

Photo courtesy of Gwen :) Scooby's been a real angel today, he allowed me to clean him properly without a struggle, it's really ONCE in a blue moon. & today I found out that he's very close to getting this skin problem cos of constant contact with his pee due to our negligence in cleaning his cage :( No wonder he's been scratching so much and shedding when he's not supposed to shed. His hind legs look so botak now, I feel so sad whenever I see his hind legs. Oh dear I feel like I've been abusing him all these while!

Hmm and now I'm supposed to write a letter but I don't know how to get down to it. 6 months still feels okay, but being away for 1 year feels like a long long time! From this friendship I know that how deep a friendship is cannot be measured by time.

2010-07-16T03:21:00.002+08:00

I just finished a book last night hoping to keep my reading pace going so when school starts at least i won't have to build my whole momentum up again. It's by Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith. & as the title suggests, it touches mainly on religion and the questions we have when it comes to talking about God. Stuff that I've wondered about before like what happens after we die, where do we go, and is heaven the way I imagine it to be - stuff that made/makes me quite afraid of dying. But the book mentioned something else, something else that we fear which never really hit me until I read it. The fear of being forgotten. After we die, our name and image can probably be passed down onto two/three generations the most. I think it's already very fortunate to have your name and image being remembered by your future generations, least to say to have your life story passed down. I have to admit I vaguely remember my great-grandma's face but I can't remember her name and needless to say to know of her life story.

"When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right?...Why? Because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything to say, 'The whole world is mine,' But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned the lesson...We can take nothing with us."

"They count as quite forgot,
They are as men who have existed not,
Theirs is a loss pass loss of fitful breath
It is the second death"

The second death, it's like ceasing to exist at all since the future generations would have no memory of you, or even knowledge of your existence. It's pretty scary now that I think about it again, it's as if my whole life didn't matter. & maybe that's why we all work so hard to make our mark to be known. & this is where faith comes in. Since we all will not be remembered in so many years (unless we become some big shot celebrity like MJ), what we believe in and have helped passed on to our young ones about tradition, about God is the thing that is going to keep us all connected.

Ok apart from this, it also touches a little on wars that have been fought over religions, the "us" versus "them" mindset that divides faith around the world.

"Why did God create but one man?...Why, if he meant for there to be faiths bickering with each other, didn't he create that from the start? He created trees, right? Not one tree, countless trees. Why not the same with man? Because we are all from that one man - and all from that one God. That's the message"

& then we have the great tradition of running away from God even when presented with many opportunities to bring God into our lives. When things are all fine and dandy, there is a lack of need for God. And besides who has the time? We only approached God whenever we need some kind of help, so it was sort of like a "you go your way, I'll go mine" arrangement. Now I feel kinda sad for God since most of us take God for granted, we only seek when we need something.

Anyway I wish the day where I can say that my parents aren't perfect but they don't need any improvements, will come. Sometimes I really can't stand the way my parents act, it's easy to say that they aren't perfect but it's very hard for me to say that they don't need any improvements. Just goes to show that I haven't accepted them for the way they are, which shouldn't be the case since they are family. I tell myself to be patient with them, but somehow I just can't help but get impatient. When will that day come when I can finally accept them for the way they are...I don't wanna be too late and regret all the things I ever said and did to them.

Hmm I was watching 蒲松齡 before reading this book and it was a good show, very touching even though the computer effects for the supernatural and mystical stuff looked pretty lame, but the meaning behind the story struck me. It really showed that humans when taken the wrong path in life can be even more evil than ghosts and foxes, such that at the end 蒲松齡 would rather live with ghosts and foxes rather than to stay with humans and see/tolerate their evil sides. Somehow I'm pretty fascinated with all these Chinese folktales now, they talk about stuff which are even applicable now, and they give an insight on the kind of stuff the people believed in back then. I don't mind reading books on them but they are without a doubt gonna be in Chinese! If only there's English translation for them or something, but then again if it's in English some of the meaning would probably be lost.

& I was just looking through the photos of those who just graduated, which makes me kinda nervous because it will be my turn next year if I don't do honors, at the same time I don't really want that day to come so soon because that would really mark the end of my education life which means WORK SOON - another phase of my life to embark on! Scary!

2010-07-06T01:27:00.001+08:00

GERMANY FTW! I'm all ready for them to win the world cup, scooby's even got a Germany shirt all ready now! :D

2010-06-27T23:55:00.002+08:00

At first I was so excited to attend arts camp, but after coming back from HK I was so freaking tired and lazy to get my lazy ass to school and now I kinda regret it cos it all looks so fun from the pictures! And plus this would probably be my last arts camp before I graduate, all the more I should get my lazy ass down no matter what even if it means just staying over for a day! Grrr >:( Okay gotta make it a point to attend oweek now! But anyway HK was nonetheless heavenly with all the damn yummy food I think I've really gained weight now! Heaven is a place on earth in HK (though I believe Bonnie wouldnt think so!) I felt so sad to be on the plane back to Singapore, it's like I'm falling from heaven back into reality again zzz! Anyway ironically this summer I couldn't find many pretty clothes, somehow winter seems to offer nicer clothes. Oh which reminds me I gotta start saving up 6K in a year's time! Bonnie's offer is too good to miss, I hope it still applies! EAT GRASS EAT GRASS EAT GRASS! & that means I don't know if I can afford to visit hz in Shanghai this coming dec :( I cant believe she's going to be gone for a year, I cant see my dear friend for a whole freaking year, no one to force me to study for my exams, or msg me retarded stuff while in school, or do impromptu shit stuff tog.. sigh I'm really quite upset about it even though I keep telling her I can't wait to celebrate after she's gone. If only I could go with her this time. & omg by the time she's done with shanghai I'll be graduating! now I think back on the days in china, I really kinda miss them - the days where we could just roam around aimlessly without a care in the world and just stop at wherever we wanted to and do whatever we wanted to. I'm already starting to miss my friend :(

Hm anyway it feels good to finally be on talking terms with a friend now, and we can put aside all the awkwardness and be totally honest with each other and comfortably talk about what happened back then. Always feels good to find a friend back, someone whom i could actually talk to and connect with.

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in my heart). I am never without it.

& I love the dog :) My whole body smells like dog now!

2010-06-01T22:29:00.006+08:00

Every semester when results are out, my dad will always think that I will surely have to retake my modules because I must be pretty dumb. But now he thinks that getting a CAP score of 3.88 this semester sounds like a joke. Sheesh it's pretty demoralizing when your parents aren't supportive and constantly think so lowly of you. Oh well, either way I'm pretty eager to see my overall updated results now that I've s/u one module. Hopefully it will pull my overall CAP up to 3.50 or something so I can do honors. Whatever my parents think, I still feel pretty proud of myself for my year 2 results. Though this semester I didn't manage to maintain a CAP 4.00, but 3.88 isn't too far off either. Gotta give myself a pat on the back for all the hard work put in :) I hope I'll be able to continue to maintain my momentum and do as well for next semester, and that means ostracising myself from everyone again. There's always a price to pay for everything yeah.

Anyway after going through 2 days of Arts pre-camp, I really wish I could be at two places at the same time - both Hong Kong and Arts camp all at the same time! I don't know how to describe the feeling that Arts camp gives me...it just makes me want to go through it again and again. Okay though I got to admit that I was a little hesitant this year to do Arts camp because I'm getting a little tired and old. But still, I don't regret going for pre-camp since I wouldn't be able to make it for Arts camp at all. Somehow Arts camp makes me feel young again, it allows you to do stupid retarded stuff without facing the pressure of being judged. I think the fun part is all about disturbing the juniors hehe. It's very satisfying to try to make the experience of Arts camp for the freshmen, as awesome and memorable as what I went through before. It's such a pity that I wouldn't be able to do so again this year :(

2010-05-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

I got my postcard from India, it was really faster than I expected :D It's my 2nd postcard from overseas, I'm gonna start collecting. Now I'm looking forward to receiving my postcard from Kai :) Anyway I keep forgetting to talk about the foot massage I got. The other day I went for foot massage and my gosh after that I felt so rejuvenated, like I was walking on clouds, though I had to go through a rather painful process. But the amazing thing is that the foot masseur could tell exactly what my body problems were, I was amazed at how accurate he was just by reading off my feet.

1) Lack of water.
2) Sensitive intestines so I gotta mind what I eat.
3) Hip injury from hockey I believe, I don't really know what to do with this hip injury problem though sometimes it gets quite painful when I walk, so when I start to limp while I walk, it's not that I'm doing it on purpose.
4) Pulled a muscle from recent exercises (and the thing is that it's not like I did some strenuous exercise, I only ran like 2 rounds and I manage to pull a muscle...shows how unfit I am right now)
5) Occasional headaches.

But he said I know how to feed myself well with good food, and this is something I feel quite proud of :D

2010-05-26T03:53:00.005+08:00

All the Jay Chou songs today really made me recall a lot of things from the past. I'm self-destructive, I gotta be the best at pushing others away. It's the things which I could've, should've done that eats me inside. I knew exactly what I felt inside, I just refused to acknowledge it back then and just allowed things to happen the way they eventually did. It's true my priorities shifted. Why is it only now that I'm only able to see the unconditional love my friend had for me? How could I let someone who loved me and cared for me so much just walk away? Where was I when my friend really needed me? omg I'm horrible. I let my arrogance and ignorance got the better of me. When it's the last straw and people say they are going to walk away, they will. & that means goodbye and there's no turning back.

2010-05-25T00:15:00.004+08:00

I look forward to the day when I'll be receiving my postcard from India :D hopefully it doesn't get lost along the way!

I wanna get a tattoo, but I'm afraid of the colour fading and the sagging skin when I grow old! If only the tattoo can stay the way it is forever.

& it's the time of the year again to worry about the release of my results as the day draw closer! There is only one way and that is UP! My CAP score cannot afford to drop anymore! And what the heck my school fees aren't paid yet! Grrr.

Anyway I have so many things which I said I would do during this holidays but I'm such a big fat procrastinator! Okay I really gotta make sure I get them all done before my holidays end. & one of the things which I must do is head down to HMV to hunt for fun.'s album, really hope they have it there! I really wonder who still buys albums in stores when illegal downloading is so rampant. At the end of the day it's the record labels that benefit, and the poor musicians that suffer.

Hindsight 20/20. I stumbled across this quote and picture on tumblr which rings a bell. Up til now I'm still scared to watch Gossip Girl.

Ok I just did a personality test again to try to be more in tune with myself. I realised I often swing between INFP and ISFP. I often wondered why the heck I can't just tell people how exactly I'm feeling but I've stopped putting the blame on myself and accepted me for me, because that's just the way I am, it's my personality and might be in my horoscope but I'm not too sure about that. Even when I've met someone who could see right through me, I still refuse to talk though I really appreciate the fact that the person could see me so crystal clear. I feel like I've sewed myself up even tighter over the years. Well, the person who could see right through me is now gone. But I know at the end of it all, I'm gonna try my hardest and be someone whom you could be proud of.

2010-05-20T12:36:00.004+08:00

<3 pugs!

Anyway I just stumbled upon yujia's tumblr and read about her job as a farmer in Europe, and it really sounds like an experience of a lifetime even though there's a lot of shit stirring and shit flinging, but hey you definitely can't find such farming experience in Singapore for sure. Ahh an opportunity that I tossed out the window, no money no talk. & she mentioned about this particular old man who was placed in a nursing home...it's really sad how when you’re young, you contribute so much to society but when you’re old and hard to understand, you get forgotten :( Talking about old, yesterday jiaxin was telling me that I'm showing signs of becoming old, what with my favourite radio station now being Gold 90.5fm, sounds a bit like I'm in the wrong era. But at least I know for sure I won't get to hear justin bieber's voice on Gold 90.5fm! & jiaxin was telling me about her friend who stopped asking for allowances from her parents after A's, I usually only hear guys doing this but hardly any girls. Despite schooling, she takes up many jobs to not only cover her school fees but also her allowances. She really deserves to be looked up to, what an independent girl! I always thought myself to be independent but comparing myself with her, I feel like I'm far from it. I think I will just wither within a week without the help from my parents.

Sometimes I think that having a passion in an area is not enough, you need an opportunity to kick start your path. Are we going to go hungry while waiting for this opportunity to come, or are we eventually going to give up our dreams, our passion and settle for something less, settle for something practical just to fill our stomachs? Opportunity please knock on my door soon, I'm getting a little worried for my future.

2010-05-18T14:47:00.005+08:00

Must go Egypt in this life!

I was just thinking, what if it's true that the world is ending in 2012, then why the heck is everyone working so hard instead of spending whatever time we all have left and do what we like. Maybe because they always said the world was ending so many times before but it never did, or maybe no one actually believes in such things.

I MUST MUST MUST travel to Egypt, Mexico, India, Greece, Bahamas, USA (for six flags), North Korea, Tibet in this life no matter what.

Hmm & I'm wondering if I should go for another OCIP trip at the end of this year to Cambodia or something, just to give back to society a little, and to open my eyes again and appreciate all the luxury that I'm soaking in.

*EDIT
I think I found out the reason why I used to feel empty in the past. It's because I judge my self worth based on who I have in my life rather than my accomplishments. It doesn’t matter if I scored high on an exam, or made a myriad of new friends, because at the end of the day all these things don't really mean much to me and wouldn't be able to fill the space in me. Seriously, I think I've only interacted with all the new friends I've made, like less than 1% of the time & suddenly I feel that making so many new friends is quite retarded, seeing the fact that both parties do not take the effort to maintain contact after the first encounter unless necessary. So the fact of the matter is how I view myself is relevant to who’s in my life. And through that mentality, I’ll never start feeling better. But then again, the ability to maintain the important people in your life can also be seen as an accomplishment. It's not an easy task maintaining people in your life. I guess for me, failing to do so means that I've failed. Rather than seeing accomplishments in terms of grades etc, I see my accomplishments in terms of relationships.

So now I'm trying to take a different perspective, my self worth is irrelevant to the people that I have in my life, rather my worth comes from my personality and what I have to offer.

Anyway I was thinking, is it good to be too dependable? & just another random thought, sometimes I do wonder if others would do the same for me, for what I've did for them. Though I've always pride myself as someone who gives my all without expecting anything in return, but hey it's only human to wonder if you'll get some returns for all your efforts right.

& recently I've noticed a change in me - that I can't be bothered to entertain everyone anymore, there's just too many people out there to be entertained, and I only have a limited capacity, and neither am I gonna compromise myself just to entertain all my acquaintances because I just don't see a need for it since at the end of the day they are gonna remain as acquaintances. So my blatant disregard and lack of involvement with acquaintances gets pretty obvious. I seek spiritual relationships, not so many superficial, on the surface relationships. It's just too tiring to keep up.

Okay I feel like I'm rambling, I hope I understand what I've just said when I read this again.

2010-05-16T14:57:00.003+08:00

Credits to Bonnie for the pictures.

I think the rocks are beautiful :) Reminds me of Grand Canyon somehow!

2010-05-10T03:34:00.007+08:00

(You have 0 friends)* South Park Season 14 Episode 4.

The content which I've learnt regarding social networking sites ring so clearly in my head when I was watching this episode of South Park, it really captures the essence of social networking sites so accurately. We live in a society where social networks run our lives. It seems that these inventions run our lives to the point where we can spend countless hours and not even notice time passing by.

The point of social networking sites is to bring people closer together, it gives people an opportunity to have a glimpse of how their friends are doing and to have an instant conversation. Not to mention it’s much less of a step when it comes to asking someone to spend time with them. It’s much easier to go on Facebook and say “let’s hang out!”.

But what seems to be the overbearing negative aspect of social medium is the affect it has on our personal lives. It’s great in the sense that you can keep in constant communication with everyone and never miss a beat in terms of what’s going on in their lives; but at the same time, behavior online can really affect someone’s perception of another. The fact of the matter is, with the benefit of being in constant contact with those who mean a lot to you comes the disadvantage of everyone being able to see everything that you do.

Our profiles online shows how we portray ourselves to others regardless of the level of authenticity, and our list of friends says much about who we are as well. Not only the list of friends, but the number of friends says something about you too, whether you're just collecting friends, or clearly you're just very popular in your network.

Not to mention actions we take on our social networks have the ability to cause rifts in friendships. The removal of relationship statuses; the changing of terms of endearment; or worse yet, the "un"friending. Even though we like to pride ourselves about how mature and old we are, the fact of the matter is that kind of action still takes precedent over us. Even when you are older and wiser, a simple action can sting as much as a negative comment being delivered right to your face. Social networking sites have lead us to take small actions and blow them out of proportion. Something as simple as removing your profile from your friend's list can cause rifts in a friendships, even to the point of established disdain. At the same time, even as we pride ourselves to be mature enough, it seems that nowadays, we almost instantly retreat into our primary/secondary school selves and allow such actions affect us.

It's understandable why people can get so affected. Social network actions are a symbol of how someone feels about you; it’s a symbol that shows that you are no longer relevant in their lives. And in a society that is so driven by symbols, we can take those actions to mean that they no longer mean anything to us.

2010-05-08T03:30:00.005+08:00

Gotta love fun.! Nate's voice is flawless! I love this song simply for the awesomeness that it is, the instruments are used so perfectly here! This is gonna be the song of the month :D

& on a very random note, I feel like collecting LEGOs now! & I want a LEGO car like this!

& today while I sent my car for servicing, I saw 2 limited Agnes b versions of my car. OMG they look awful!

2010-05-07T02:36:00.002+08:00

I love my myspace playlist :)

2010-05-06T02:29:00.008+08:00

I love The Submarines! & Fruit Bats! & Thao with The Get Down Stays Down! & The Great Spy Experiment (local band, I'm so proud of them). & myspace supports these bands, so that makes myspace my new love! I can spend the whole day listening to the songs on repeat mode. They all sound out of this world, so cosmic especially songs by The Submarine :D Gotta love their tunes, feels like I'm listening to colours.

& I'm hooked on this song right now, it's stuck in my head everyday! & the videos by The Submarine are all just so cute and creative! This is what music is supposed to be!

I like the way this song is about anti-consumerism but yet it's used to advertise for Apple which is one of the biggest companies encouraging consumerism. There should be more meaningful songs like these, instead of all those nonsense songs we hear on radio whose lyrics are filled with sexual connotation in every line and their MTVs are just full of sexualized images. But then I'm scared of promoting such alternative music so much, I'm scared that if they get more and more popular they will eventually turn/go mainstream!

But nvm, I'll be slightly less selfish and share their links here, at the same time I can see this entry again just in case I lose the links.

http://www.thesubmarines.com/
http://www.myspace.com/thesubmarinesmusic
http://www.thaomusic.com/
http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
http://www.myspace.com/thefruitbats
http://www.myspace.com/thegreatspyexperiment

*edited
OMG I'm very excited that I found even more awesome bands! The list goes on and on!

2010-05-04T17:29:00.004+08:00

This is something random, but I love Mediterranean houses & stained glass!! So beautiful!

Anyway now that my exams are over, I'm pretty excited to talk to Bonnie soon! It's amazing how she seems to be experiencing the same kind of thoughts as me recently :) Her entries inspire me to write and to think more about life. I do need friends like her to keep me grounded and not stray too far off course.

2010-04-30T13:46:00.003+08:00

I always seem to forget that as I grow older, my parents are growing older as well, until I start to see signs of aging in them. They start having all these illness and health problems which is very worrying. I feel like the day that I'm dreading the most is coming closer and closer each day. I'd rather remain young forever so that my parents can be young again. I really hope to graduate soon, find a good job and take over the financial burden so that they can finally take a break and enjoy life. But fuck I need to get my internships first! Grr I pray pray pray that they respond! @#%^$!

2010-04-29T13:38:00.005+08:00

tumblr is love! I stumbled upon this in tumblr, and I found it very meaningful.

Everybody's Free - Baz Luhrmann

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

*EDIT

& I'm really thankful for taking Cultural Industries this sem, even though I felt like I had to swallow down a whole encyclopedia for the exams. But it really opened my eyes and made me realised that we're all surrounded by low cultural products which are getting more distasteful each day. All these cultural industries are using the same standard formulae just because it is lucrative and it's a sure way for them to make money, it's all out to serve their own personal interests! That's why all our cultural products are just variations around the same theme, all so similar to one another. Creativity is not encouraged unless it proves to be profit making. Stop being a passive consumer and start being more discerning.

Anyway what I wanna say can pretty much be summed up with this quote from tumblr...

“But now realize that tv and popular film and most kinds of ‘low’ art—which just means art whose primary aim is to make money—is lucrative precisely because it recognizes that audiences prefer 100 percent pleasure to the reality that tends to be 49 percent pleasure and 51 percent pain. Whereas ‘serious’ art, which is not primarily about getting money out of you, is more apt to make you uncomfortable, or to force you to work hard to access its pleasures, the same way that in real life true pleasure is usually a by-product of hard work and discomfort. So it’s hard for an art audience, especially a young one that’s been raised to expect art to be 100 percent pleasurable and to make that pleasure effortless, to read and appreciate serious fiction. That’s not good. The problem isn’t that today’s readership is ‘dumb,’ I don’t think. Just that TV and the commercial-art culture has trained it to be sort of lazy and childish in its expectations.”

- David Foster Wallace
When you work hard for profound pleasure, it’s much better and deeply satisfying than immediate gratification.

Oh & I'm starting to get more interested in horoscopes now after watching this Hong Kong drama revolving around it :)

2010-04-26T09:06:00.004+08:00

I'm freaking nervous for my paper later, my stomach is like tied in knots for the past few days, making me feel like everything I ate down can't be digested. & even though it's an openbook exam later, I'm still freaking scared because I failed the midterm for this module when it was also openbook! & now I'm supposed to be sleeping in a little more to get enough rest for the paper later, but there's so much thoughts inside my head and I can't sleep! I think these days I'm starting to connect more with my inner self which is good :) & I've decided that after my exams, I'm gonna start keeping an account of my life, from young until now and for the future, about every little thing that has happened, in shaping me to be who I am today. & I'll hand this book/diary down to my kids or whoever next time.

& so I've been comparing my hands with Nicole's, and I see how I've aged, from a wrinkle-less hand back then to a hand starting to show signs of wrinkles now. When I was very young, I thought everything was my size. All my friends were my size, and the toys I played with were for my size. I categorized anyone who was bigger than me as adults. I thought God only created two kinds of people, one would be people of my size, and the other would be people who are big and whom I called adults. I always thought that adults came into this world in the size they were, I never thought that they too were small once. In my eyes then, I was small but I felt big. Seems like as we grow bigger, we start to feel smaller. Anyway now, whenever I see small kids, I wonder if they are thinking the same thoughts as I did back then.

& back to the point about my starting-to-wrinkle hands...yknow the idea of death scares me. When I was young, the thought about it could send me into tears. & even though I now know that death is inevitable, I'm still freaking scared. The thing I'm scared about is, I have no idea where I will be when I'm dead, I don't know if I'm going to be surrounded in darkness forever, I don't know how it's going to feel like, I don't know if I'm ever going get another chance to see this beautiful world again. The whole idea about not being able to picture how the end is going to look and feel like is very scary. I did this logical thinking test last time, and I met with a question which asked whether I was someone who would be concerned about the process of a project or the end product. I think I chose process back then, but now come to think of it, I think would choose the end. Because I'm someone who pictures how the end product would look like first before starting on the process, at least this way I have an idea of where I'm heading and I would be sure that I would get the result I want and feel satisfied, and also make sure that throughout the process I really give my all in order to achieve the end result. & I guess this applies to life as well. & I guess it's time I start believing in a religion, so at least I can have some picture of how the end might look. I think hz once asked me if I would choose to die peacefully or die with a terminal disease. She said she would choose dying with a terminal disease, because at least she has a rough estimate of the time she has left, so she would be able to cherish the time left so much better and do the things she liked and do everything for the people she loved. Her reasoning makes sense to me since not everyone actually lives each day to the fullest until they start to realise their time is going to be up.

Now I really start to see how life is really a journey.

2010-04-24T15:00:00.006+08:00

The first thing I need to do after my exams is to adjust my body clock back to normal! I feel like all my internal organs are corroding/dying from all that late nights because they are making a lot of weird noises, and I get random aches and pains! I'm getting a little paranoid to the extent that I want to have a full body check up soon. My poor organs, I feel for you, but don't fret, I promise to treat yall well after I'm done with my freaking exams!

Anyway I think mainstream songs are getting more trashy each day, my entire sleep was ruined when I got woken up by annoying Kesha grr. The lyrics for all these songs are meaningless, and repetitive which is damn annoying plus the fact that it's so noisy, please just shut up already. Where did all the good music go?

& a few weeks back I rejected the offer of an iphone, and Nicole being Nicole of course she couldn't resist such an offer. I feel as if technology is taking over the world. Until now I don't see what's so great with an iphone. I don't see a need for all those abundant applications, I don't see a need to be connected through my phone all the time (I'm already trying to remain disconnected as much as possible, which is quite hard, but I'm trying, so I don't need yet another technology to ruin my plans of staying disconnected). All I need is just the simple function of a phone, that is to text and call, and me being me my frequency of calling is definitely not very high. Besides my phone is functioning well regardless of the number of times I've dropped it. Why not try dropping your iphone and see if it can still last for long after that. Maybe I will only change when my phone has become obsolete.

After watching Bride Wars again today, I realised that things have never been the same again, and maybe that's why I always feel this constant need to fill this empty space inside by engaging in so many things. But at the end of the day, I find it all so pointless.

"Sometimes in life there are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who has been standing beside you all along"

- Bride Wars

2010-04-23T17:01:00.002+08:00

Identity work-in-progress

I found this term in one of my readings and I found it very apt, now that I'm searching for myself again even amidst the amount of books I have to swallow. I really think finding one's true self is very important, not because Marilyn Monroe said so, it's because I don't want to die at the end of the day not knowing who I really am, that's damn sad really. When I do find myself, I must stay true to it and not falter regardless of whatever challenges I may face. & I was reading Bonnie's older entry, I still think I'm going through a quarter life crisis! Bonnie, how? :( From that time I commented on your entry, until now I still think I'm going through a quarter life crisis omg.

I really think the time where you lay in bed, just right before you fall asleep is when your mind is crystal clear. I want to pen down all these thoughts running through my head before I sleep, but if I do, I think I don't have to sleep already.

& last night I was just thinking back to the China trip, and I realised it's the very first time I actually allow myself to let my raw emotions show in front of so many people, and so many of them are people I barely even trust. But lucky I won't get to see them much I hope. Omg I must be crazy, I really don't know how I managed to do it. Must have been the China beer, and it could also be that I could relate to xj's story which gave me the courage to just let go of this baggage for awhile. Omg I must have looked like a freaking wreck/mess, blabbering on and on incoherently. Eee I scare myself just thinking back on it. Okay, never gonna talk about it again, what happens in China, stays in China.

2010-04-15T20:10:00.002+08:00

Humans being social creatures, have the need to be connected to the world. At the same time, there is also the need to be disconnected once in awhile when you find that your world is becoming a little too chaotic for your liking. Being connected constantly makes you lose sense of time, makes you lose sight of where you're heading and what you wanna do. So having me time isn't such a bad thing, it's time spent well reflecting on yourself and what has been happening so far. I still feel like I need more me time. But then again having too much me time, makes me feel like I'm getting more and more antisocial and losing touch with the world.

In view of what has happened so far, I know everyone's facing their own difficulties in life, and now I really see how life can be very fragile. Must be handled with care. One moment I can be standing here and the next I might be gone. I'm not having weird suicidal thoughts, I know life is too precious to be suicidal. It's just that I find life so fragile that it scares me. I wonder what people will remember me for when I'm dead. And it seems like there has been an influx of deaths these days.

2009-11-26T01:56:00.001+08:00

lesson learnt: it is not wise to take the flu medicine before an exam paper!

2009-11-17T02:34:00.003+08:00

lesson learnt: never pon project meetings because you'll be left with the dirty job that no one wants to do!

<3

2009-11-13T04:14:00.002+08:00

omg i feel very demoralized now, i thought my hard work was good enough, all the nights spent and all the pimples sprouting out i really thought my work was good enough. but no! after looking at everyone's work, they're freaking imba! i feel so demoralized i cant bear to look anymore! my morale is at its all time low now. zzz its never gonna be enough! if thats the case i might as well not put in any effort in the first place, whats the difference. in uni, you're no longer working with your classmates, you're working against them. omg i need to breathe! the trick is to keep breathing, i can do this, i have to do this! grrr

2009-11-04T23:49:00.001+08:00

OMG I WANNA TRY THIS ONE DAY DAMN FUNNY :{

Things to do in an elevator.

1) Bring a camera, and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

2) Move your desk into the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

3) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

4) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.

5) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

6) Ask, “did you feel that?”

7) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

8) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic. They’ll open up again.”

9) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

10) Tell people that you can see their aura.

11) Call out, “GROUP HUG!” and enforce it.

12) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up. All of you. Just Shut up!!!”

13) Crack open your briefcase or purse and while peering inside, ask “Got enough air in there?”

14) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM,” and back away slowly.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand, and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

18) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

19) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

20) Stare grinning at another passenger for awhile, then announce “I have new socks on.”

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk, and announce to the other passengers, “This is MY personal space!!”

22) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.

23) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.

24) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

25) Hold the doors open, and say that you’re waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg, how’s your day been?”

26) Drop a pen, and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream “That’s mine!”

2009-10-09T01:12:00.002+08:00

I feel like I'm back in sec 2 again. Never fail to put a smile on my face! Some things just don't change after all these while. :D

2009-10-03T01:42:00.003+08:00

It's really heartwarming to know that you've changed someone's life. Warms the cockles of my heart <3 I wonder how many lives have I changed so far? How different would it have been without me? Okay this shall be added on to my mottos in life! To change people's life! :D I've been in the mellow mood the past few days feels pretty good, very chill feeling, makes me wanna just bring a book to Pacific Coffee and sip on my steamed milk and read my book/reflect upon life.

With all the mid-terms, I think my brain has expanded 100 times its usual size (significant expansion in size comparing to the past two sems), my head feels so overloaded with information sometimes, that I feel as if I'm gonna fall forward. Anyway, so far I've not regretted switching to CNM, feels like I'm on the right track! (even though my mid-terms are kinda screwed right now) & I think studying about intercultural communication is really interesting even though it hurts me that I spent so many points to bid for this module but it's worth it! The things I study are things that I could actually apply and relate to real life experiences which makes it easier to study for and more interesting as well! I always thought I am actually pretty westernized, but no actually deep down inside I'm actually bursting with collectivistic values! I AM A TRUE BLUE ASIAN AT HEART AND IN MIND! :D (though with some western influences). It's just really interesting to know the way other cultures function, like how the Saudi Arabians like to stand real close during conversation to smell each other's breath! I'M SERIOUS HAHA! It's so weird, but apparently, if you deny someone to smell your breath during conversations, it indicates the sense of shame/guilt. Let's try it one day hehe :{ & finally after all my years in the education system, I'm studying something that is applicable to everyday life, and not like Biology, Chemistry etc where I can't apply those theories in everyday life it's so useless and waste of time studying for those! As if I'm gonna find out how acidic my orange juice is, or when I'm achieving homeostasis in my body, okay I cannot remember anything else.

E-learning week next week which means it's like another recess week :D We should have e-learning week every week! But still, I'm flooded with assignments and readings! :(

& so the objective has been met (i think), so it's time to close this chapter for good! & to start a new one.

2009-09-20T16:49:00.000+08:00

2009-09-16T22:31:00.003+08:00

I had a bad dream last night & I have no idea how it came about, the feelings I felt were so real like everything was taking place right before my eyes. I was thankful when I woke up, that everything was back to normal. But okay since I can still remember it I don't think it will come true.

Anyway, omg i love the list of companies listed for internship this sem! It's like all the well-known PR companies and media companies omg! I was so ready to sign up only to realise I can't qualify yet cos I've yet to fulfil my 80MCs! Grrr, hopefully next sem it will be the same list of companies! Even if I get underpaid, I still don't mind doing internship with those companies! I can't wait for next sem now.

I'm so hooked on good girls go bad by Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester! I think I've heard it on replay for like 50 times already! yum!

2009-09-13T23:26:00.002+08:00

I desire to be where grace is/was right now! Shit, what was I doing the past 2 sems!

2009-09-10T22:36:00.007+08:00

The workload is like piling up cos I neglected my work to study for today's exam and now I'm sick again and I've got like an ulcer plantation in my mouth now & I have no appetite for food at all. What a tragedy! But at least this sem I feel like I'm finally taking school seriously, I amaze myself. It's such a stark difference when I compare myself now to my past 2 sems. I don't know if I'm putting in enough effort still to reach my aim, but at least I know I'm trying hard now :)

Memories are contrary things; if you quit chasing them and turn your back, they often return on their own - Stephen King.

Sometimes I feel like it will be so much easier if I'm like a sheet of paper, with words so plain and simple people can simply understand from reading it so I don't have to bother explaining myself cos it will be out in the open for everyone to see. But then again maybe I'm the one making it difficult for others to read me.

Anyway my visual comms assignment is getting more interesting though tiring! This time we have to like use solely photographs alone to convey a story! I've been researching the entire day and I found some really nice ones on the net so it's time to let me show off!

EXODUS

FREEDOM

REVENGE OF THE STRAWBERRIES

Photographs could actually say so much!

2009-09-04T02:53:00.003+08:00

10 Sept - PR exam! I've been so busy I barely have much time to slow down and breathe! but omg I wanna watch all these shows! Rachel Mcadams FTW! <3

The Time Traveler's Wife

watching the trailer, makes me feel quite determined to finish up the book now! & I've watched this trailer repeatedly for like 10 times already I love it! cant wait for the movie to be out next week!

Sherlock Holmes

My Sister's Keeper

I've always loved this story!

okay back to readings :(

2009-05-30T17:29:00.006+08:00

omg im in mourning now :( my itchy hands couldnt resist not clicking to check my results since everyone is talking about it. urgh! but either way i have to check it sooner or later within 2 weeks. but maybe if i checked it later there could be some miracle! (as if) argh what the shit this is damn bad im damn sad! the only module that i was banking on to get a good grade which could possibly pull my CAP up, turned out to be a nightmare! that teeny weeny little bit of hope left in me just died off. omg what the hell went wrong!! >:( i should have improved for this sem but what the hell i did worse than last sem! i cant believe it. i feel like a part of me just died. & im looking at my results again and again, hoping that the grades will change, hoping that im not seeing things, but no the same grades are still staring right at me. it feels like i just got a really tight bitch slap! & now its no longer dean's-list-here-i-come, its more like hey-i-cant-wait-to-be-on-the-kick-out-list!

yknow what time is it? its not tiger time, its time to quit school! GAH!

sigh but what if im really not cut out for this.

2009-05-05T04:06:00.003+08:00

yesterday marked the end of my first year in uni which is like really fast! so fast that i didnt even notice it! time flies when you're having fun which is kinda true since i played/slacked around like 90% of the time and studying for only 10% of the time which is really a suicide attempt when it comes to finals. i shouldn't keep up with such behaviours next sem, but thats what i always tell myself and just cant seem to stick to it. but time spent enjoying isnt considered as time wasted! it makes my life more fulfilling at least i know that my life wasnt all about slogging my guts out all the way. end of the first year and if you expected some moving speech, im not gonna give one. all i can say is that im really thankful for having met the special bunch of people i've met in my first year in uni, who made going to school (on some days, i really hate fridays this sem! i better plan my timetable well next sem) so much more fun and bearable :) & its not just about fun okay, im also really thankful for those who really helped/motivated me along the way in my studies when im such a blur block & a lazy fat ass who cant be bothered to check up on academic stuff in school. i sound like im all ready to make a speech for hong xing da jiang.

& im craving for alcohol/beer! this craving needs to be satisfied!! i got a craving to go for a shave too!

FREEDOM HERE I COME! its time to play hehe

2009-05-02T02:09:00.002+08:00

生病了! gah im having a fever and a bad headache now and i cant sit down for an hour without feeling the urge to vomit! dear body, dont fail me now! freedom is so close yet so far away!

i realised today that i have 2 textbooks and 1 course pac to finish in less than two days! i never knew how thick my textbooks were until i first opened them today. GG!

2009-04-14T13:10:00.002+08:00

ARGH PSY LAB REPORT IS MAKING ME HATE PSY EVEN MORE NOW! i know nothing so i cannot get started on my report! its like 35%! i'll be happy if i can get a B- at least. and it only makes things worse when you've the most anal lecturer in the whole wide world! the thing he knows best is to reply you damn sarcastically without answering your questions! >:( we're not freaking born to do psy, couldnt he at least tell us if we're going in the correct direction! what a pain in the ass!! grrr. im so not gonna major in psy anymore! this week feels quite hellish, there's bahasa finals tmr and i've not even started! plus theres bahasa oral and lab report all on friday omg :(

hmm to go hongkong or not to go?

2009-04-11T05:12:00.001+08:00

"people have scars in all sort of unexpected places, like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of their old wounds. most of our wounds heal leaving nothing behind but a scar but some of them don't. some wounds we carry with us everywhere, and though the cut's long gone, the pain, still lingers." -meredith grey

2009-04-10T17:45:00.001+08:00

omg how do you get started on something when you've got no idea where and how to get started! GRRR >:( & this sem is really passing so quickly! i dont even know what the hell was i doing during this whole sem because i JUST realised that i havent done any readings at all for like 3 out of 5 modules! so unproductive!! & i only have 2 weeks starting from today until my finals! i scared. :O play time no more, game on!

& the past two days were the best times of my life! in those two days my life felt like a freaking joke, i felt like i was being punk'd/on gotcha/on candid camera/ or a very late april fool's joke! camera crew please step out please. now i scared to go out, i think staying at home feels safer. but hey im looking forward to this saturday and sunday!! must check 4D hopefully i win something please, at least that will make me feel better :)

on the 8th April 2009, while i was on my way home from vivo after dinner i got into an accident at jalan bukit merah. im okay but my poor car is not okay, and it has been throwing a bitch fit since that day i think. this stupid malaysian driver omg he's damn F-ing anal! we were both waiting side by side to turn into CTE, so both our cars were not moving. i was in my lane while he was in his. AND I TELL YOU HE'S F-ING BLIND OR SMTH, HE COULDN'T SEE ME BESIDE HIM AND SUDDENLY JUST DECIDED TO NOT TURN INTO CTE AND TURNED INTO MY LANE WITHOUT SIGNALLING AND HIT MY CAR LEAVING A HUGE SCRATCH!! >:( i mean even if he signals, he should wait until my car is not beside him before moving because that's just common sense omg. SO WTF HE'S AT FAULT AND HE STILL DARE TO TELL ME BOTH PARTIES ARE AT FAULT! AND HE REFUSED TO GIVE ME HIS PARTICULARS LIKE DRIVER'S LICENSE NUMBER AND ALL, until i had to threaten to call the police then he scared! what a bully!! GRR!! OH AND WTF, HE STILL DARE TO TELL ME IT'S JUST A SMALL PROBLEM AND ASKED ME TO GO TO THE WORKSHOP AND FIX IT ON MY OWN WITH MY OWN MONEY! LIKE HELLO! WHY SHOULD I BE PAYING FOR THE DAMAGE HE MADE TO MY CAR WHEN HE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PAYING! ASSHOLE!! SO F-ING UNREASONABLE!! GRRR >:( i was so damn angry i was shaking and i was on the verge of bashing his face in. and he still dare to give me the smug face wtf! lucky my dad was with me on the phone otherwise i would be so scared and angry and not know what to do already! & i think i sounded quite weird because i was saying all that in chinese in an angry tone, but wu shuo wei!

on the 9th April 2009, thinking that i could claim insurance for my car's injury, i set out on my journey early in the morning to find the insurance agent. i waited for about an hour just to realised i cannot claim insurance :( firstly my dad hasnt got above 400 excess in his NCD (i have no idea what that stands for) and secondly, the insurance agent told me that even if i really wanna claim, it will take years to process because the malaysia's side is very inefficient and slow. so the better way is just to call that F-ing driver up and negotiate with him! & wow i really think that the negotiation is gonna work out now that he's safely back home in malaysia! like he was so ungentlemanly i highly doubt he will wanna pay now! maybe the most he will give me 100 Sing dollars? scully even less than that like 50 Sing dollars?! or machiam worse still, DONT WANNA PAY AT ALL! :( no wonder my car is throwing a bitch fit because no one cares about its injury. so okay, fine the insurance agent said i cannot claim so i have no choice but to accept that. then i left for school, while walking towards school, i felt something wet drop on my left foot. i thought it was a rain drop so i didnt bother looking down and carried on walking. after walking awhile, i realised that hey this rain drop feels chunky and sandy, so i decided to look down and HEY THERE THIS PATCH OF BROWN CHUNKY LOOKING THING ON MY FOOT! guess what's that?! its not chocolate because chocolate dont fall from trees! ITS FREAKING BIRD SHIT!! BROWN AND CHUNKY BIRD SHIT AND I STILL CAN SEE LIKE UNDIGESTED SEED PARTICLES!! seriously i was so damn angsty i was stomping and limping around school with bird shit on my foot. i went to wash it off eventually, it stinks btw and it's damn gross!! i had to go sanitize my hands after that! and im not wearing my slippers anymore it's sick! but ahwell, bird shit = good luck so i shouldn't complain because maybe it can help me win 4D and be a millionaire! slumdog millionaire me hehe. haha so i thought the chain of bad events ended there and then! but hey no this is MORE than just your typical zhen dao mei day that you used to write in primary schools. so on the way home from dinner, i was driving on the roads and then my car ran out of petrol and broke down on the spot! and i thought that one bar of petrol could usually last for about 2 days and i only drove for less than half a day hello! i wonder how many people actually experienced running out of gas, because my dad has been driving for so many years and he has never experienced that before. so ya i was all alone stranded in the middle of the roads without any petrol! i called my dad for help, lucky he was out somewhere having supper but he took quite awhile to come to my rescue. i felt so lonely and helpless!! told you my car was throwing a bitch fit already. so alright, he finally came with 4 litres of petrol, thought that i could finally see light! so he poured it all in, but hey my car still refused to start!! we kept like stepping on the pedals hoping that it will start but NO, bitch fit means bitch fit all the way. so no choice my dad didnt know what else to do, he left without me to go to the petrol station to get help and more petrol. finally after the second round of petrol my car finally started! :D but now the pedals getting a bit too squeaky because we stepped too many times to get it started at first. squeaky pedals! and my hands stink of petrol! :( so alright i thought yay finally that's the end of the chain of events, time to finally go home and rest! but no, told you this is MORE than just your typical zhen dao mei story! on my way home i got stopped by a roadblock outside my house. for all the years that i've lived there, there hasn't been ONE single roadblock outside my house, and just so happens that on my zhen dao mei day they SUDDENLY decided to set up a roadblock there! seriously i can't believe my luck, i really wanted to laugh to myself! lucky i didnt drink any alcohol before that, if not there goes my license adding on to my zhen dao mei day! so now im safe home since then, my life is so thrilling in a bad way :)

- THE END -

hehe my mum bought the slumdog millionaire dvd yesterday! JAIHO!

2009-03-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

i need the insanity in life to keep me sane :)

2009-03-19T03:37:00.002+08:00

i am losing my ability to think. i am losing my ability to string words together now. my mind is a blank as i struggle to find the right words to speak.

& like a lost ship with just a few good sailors left.

we remain stoic to hide the fact that we're all too human.

2009-03-14T15:06:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
-He’s Just Not That Into You

AHH i just saw a really cute volkswagon outside my house! its really damn cute its like a mini jeep! i've never seen this model anywhere! and i cant find it anywhere online also omg i want that car! & i want the chrysler sebring convertible! suddenly i feel like collecting cars i hope peugeot wont feel jealous. i want those two cars for my 21st :D only two cars not alot to ask hehe. AHHH

2009-03-04T21:57:00.005+08:00

OMG i look like FFFFFF-!! what a huge and painful pimple which die die also dont wanna go down! & now my eyes are like totally red! and my face looks swollen like a baobaolian! i look like a freaking monster! AHH! i frightened myself when i looked into the mirror just now! i feel like im being voodooed, please dont voodoo me anymore whoever it is please? i wonder how victor and bonnie stand looking at me the whole day when i look this bad like a walking vulgarity haiyo.

i dont remember how i stumbled upon this song, but omg i remember this was one of my favourite songs back then! i know boybands look damn gay esp when they're singing sappy love songs together (i think honghin might still like since he adores ken zhu) but who cares i grew up listening to boybands and i admit i love/d them! hehe. if asked to recall my school days, all that i can remember are the memories with friends and nothing to do with academics. hmm come to think of it, what have i been studying all these while?

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG ; HUMAN NATURE

Yesterdays - been and gone
When we were young
Remember when
We started out as friends
We were one and the same
Don't even think that I knew your name
That was then
So many things have changed
But looking back on the days
It's good to see that we are still the same

Sometimes I wish that innocence would never end
Although memories will fade (no, no)
Time will never take them away

Yesterdays have been and gone
Summer days that seemed so long
All the things we did
When we were young
We had our share of smiles and tears
It's been the same all through the years oh yeah
Even shared our favourite songs
When we were young

(When we were young)
Don't you know
People come and go
But sure as sun after rain
In your heart friends will still remain
Let me say
If we should drift away
And your heart feels the pain
Let the good times bring you back again

Sometimes I wish the days we had would never end
Although time is moving fast (so fast)
Memories are made to last

Yesterdays have been and gone
Summer days that seemed so long
All the things we did
When we were young
We had our share of smiles and tears
It's been the same all through the years oh yeah
Even shared our favourite songs
When we were young

(When we were young)
Even on your own
Know you'll never be alone
The memories we made
Time will never take them away

All the yesterdays have been and gone
And the summer days that seemed so long
All the things we used to do when we
When we were young
Had our share of smiles and tears
It's been the same all through the years oh yeah
Even shared our favourite songs
When we were young

Yesterdays have been and gone
Summer days that seemed so long
All the things we did
When we were young
(When we were young)
We had our share of smiles and tears
It's been the same all through the years oh yeah
Even shared our favourite songs
When we were young

Yesterday - been and gone
Summer days
When we were young
We had our share of smiles and tears
It's been the same all through the years oh yeah

2009-03-03T22:30:00.004+08:00

my ever so long and agonizing tuesdays can never be better without you :) you put the fun in tuesdays! i can never survive such a long day not having you around. tuesday is now my favourite day of the week. im counting my blessings. with friends like these, who needs a guy? <3

everyday feels like a hao xin qing er day :)

2009-02-14T11:57:00.002+08:00

2009-02-09T23:16:00.005+08:00

sick cycle carousel.

dams. with so much pressure behind them, all it takes is one tiny crack, one small hole, it starts with a trickle, then the pressure gets worse and soon, there are cracks all over your stronghold and soon the dam collapses and breaks. all that was held behind, all that was kept in, for a reason, spills out in a torrential flow, unstoppable because your defenses have been smashed beyond repair.

today is nicole's very significant day HAHA! she's getting all flustered and going crazy, i can't remember how it was like for me when my significant day came last time. and URGH GAAA RAAAA writing a compo with 60words seems like a simple task, but try writing it in bahasa indonesia! ohmygosh i can just pull my hair out! i had to spend one whole day thinking of the words to use, and i can sense that my tutor will have a good time laughing at my grammer errors.

i really hate the feeling of being in the in-between. omg help me understand, i dont know what in the freaking world im doing with my life anymore. its stagnant its not going anywhere. i cant even bear to say the words, i cant even bear to type them out. for this i know im not strong. for me, it's been a constant if not daily, then like weekly battle. seeing the same thing and wondering the same things over and over again.

urgh i need a hug, whoever sees me in school tmr, please come forward and give me a hug please?

2009-02-01T04:46:00.001+08:00

like a shark without its fin. like uno stacko without its base.

2009-01-31T15:46:00.004+08:00

if wanxian didn't tell me i wouldn't have noticed that im starting to have wrinkles! & its not just one line, there are a few lines! omg signs of aging, im gonna be a wrinkled raisin soon! :( & my house is like surrounded by construction on the left, right, back, so that leaves only the front pathway to walk! very clastrophobic! feels like my family has some sort disease, and now we're being quarantined and surrounded.

oh & i finally overcome my long time fear of the sea cucumber :D it doesnt taste so bad afterall, though the texture still feels funny.

2009-01-28T14:17:00.004+08:00

today has got to be the ultimate lame day ever in my entire 20 years and 25 days on earth.

1) i dragged myself out of bed at 7.20am, washed up and rushed down to school for my lesson at 8am. thinking that i would be late, i flew up the flight of stairs just to see lala sitting happily and enthusiastically outside alone. so i was like PHEW thank god im early! so we sat outside and chatted for awhile and i shared with her my favourite bear biscuits. after talking for about 15mins there was still no sign of any prospective classmates and teacher. we even went to check the other classrooms and even walked in on a class which wasn't ours. we felt so alone on our little piece of land, but lucky we had each other for company. we started getting really confused, so i decided to use my not so handy dandy laptop to check ivle for any last min messages. and it said tutorials will start from 29th Jan onwards. so we were both still thinking to ourselves and scratching our heads, isn't today the 29th? suddenly lala remembered that her boyfriend's birthday which was yesterday was on the 27th which makes today the 28th not the 29th! so we both woke up so damn early and travelled qian li qiao qiao to school for nothing! she had like 6 hours to waste and i had 4 hours to waste til the next tutorial so i decided to go home and catch my beauty sleep if not i become very unbeautiful.

2) so after catching my extra 3hours of beauty sleep, i woke up feeling very young and fresh. i happily dressed up for school and rushed down to school. reaching 5mins before my lesson started, i realised i didnt know where my classroom was! AS7?! where on earth was that?! there wasn't any directions leading to AS7! it felt so non existent. so i hurriedly checked my not so handy dandy laptop again to see where that was. and AH HAH found it, so i grabbed my stuff and rushed down, i was almost 15mins late when i thought i was gonna be early before i left home. so i reached the class, opened the door and it was empty. so i sat down thinking okay maybe im early afterall! so i sat for 5mins but there was still no sign of life that was gonna enter through the door. this doesnt feel right, something was wrong, did the world end last night while i was sleeping?! where on earth is everyone!? so for the third time today i flipped out my not so handy dandy laptop again, going to ivle to check, and omg it said lessons start from 2feb! seriously stab me! i went to school twice and sacrificed my sleep for nothing! so since i had another 4 hours to waste til my next lesson, i decided to go home once again.

3) on my way home, i suddenly remembered that i was supposed to have english make up lessons at 8am! so i shouldnt have gone home, i should have gone for lessons and done something productive! omg stab me once again.

4) whats done is done, i cannot turn back time to 8am again, so since im gonna reach home early, i decided to stop by nicole's school to pick her up at 12.50pm. for once there were very little school buses and cars and maids waiting. so i just parked my car there waiting for her to come out, singing along to lady gaga on lehdio. 10mins passed, i tried calling her but couldnt get her. so i thought okay maybe shes still having lessons cannot answer phone calls. finally i saw hope, she called me! but something was wrong, the background was very quiet, shouldnt it be noisy since shes in school! and to my horror i found out she's at home for the past 20mins while i was waiting for the world to fall at her school! URGH.

i think i can get the lamest person award already! lesson learnt is to check ivle before leaving house! which im gonna make sure i check this time, before leaving house later for my lecture. otherwise i'll be going to school three times today for nothing! make me sound as if i love school too much and just have to soak in the school's atmosphere and breathe in the lovely school air. how fragrant! the day has yet to end, who knows it might get even more lame later on in the day. what a lame day, try beating me.

*edit

this video made me feel better about my day, feels so fuzzy wuzzy <3

2009-01-24T04:42:00.004+08:00

i think its the time of the month again where the hormones are making me crazy, or maybe im becoming bipolar also. but its really heartwarming to read an entry from a friend who appreciates you and still thinks you're awesome after all this time. im really very touched! even though we drifted apart for quite a long period of time, but that night catching up was worth it, it made me realised that though we aren't that close anymore but we still think alike in many ways, which is why i can relate to your latest entry. its these little things that make me wanna smile (:

& i guess some things can just be buried away, and maybe one day they will disappear. the greatest obstacle to moving on is yourself.

now where did that picture on my blog run away to?!

2009-01-20T12:25:00.002+08:00

omg this sem's timetable is really screwed up! some days i have 7 hours straight of lessons without any break & some days can stretch on for 12hours, and on other days i only have one lecture?! okay hopefully this round of balloting i will get my slots. i feel scared looking at my timetable. to imagine that for the next four months i will have to be stuck with such a sucky timetable is horrifying! :O

for such a long time i've never given anyone a big fuzzy wuzzy hug already, it feels good! we should spread the love and dance around the deck and roll around on the green green grass! hmm when did we all stop showing such little gestures to the people around us to show that we appreciate them, & anytime if they ever need a hug, we'll be around to give them. maybe growing up made us colder, & robbed us of our ability to show our love.

2009-01-16T12:28:00.002+08:00

seeing life through the rearview mirror.

2009-01-15T02:57:00.003+08:00

you can give without loving but you cant love without giving.

"The greatest irony of love is this, loving someone right at the wrong time, having someone wrong at the right time; and realising that you love someone right after they walk out of your life. Sometimes, you think you're already over someone, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realise that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.

For some, they think letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. For others, they are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships fail not because of an absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was loved too much, or the other, too little.

As we all know, the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. Maybe that's why the heart is not always right. More often than not, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but for them, we are but a passing of time, while the one that truly loves us remains a friend or a stranger.

So here's a piece of advice: let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough. Move on when things are not like before. For there is someone out there who will surely love you more." my exact sentiments.

okay first week of school was super slack and i like it but i dread the weeks to come. all the studying, cramping our brains, panic attacks ALL OVER AGAIN. tonight is the coldest night in singapore that i've experienced i swear.

oh news flash!

"SYDNEY (AFP) - - Huge global interest in "the best job in the world" -- earning good money for lazing on a paradise island -- has crashed the Australian website where it is advertised, according to officials.

The job pays 150,000 Australian dollars (about 100,000 US dollars) and includes free airfares from the successful candidate's home country to tropical Hamilton Island on the famed Great Barrier Reef.

In return, the winner will be expected to have as much fun as he or she can -- soaking up the sun, swimming, snorkelling, sailing -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.

The successful candidate -- who will stay rent-free in a multi-million-dollar three-bedroom beach home -- must be over 18, a "fantastic and charismatic" communicator, and able to speak and write English."

omg this sounds like the best job ever, you get paid for just enjoying yourself! okay i sound like the perfect candidate for this job! im gonna quit school now! bye you wont see me for six months!

2009-01-10T04:40:00.002+08:00

everyone has their own faults and misgivings, and perhaps it really is true that some people can completely look past these fault and still love whoever is it.

2009-01-02T01:08:00.005+08:00

the first day of 2009 has come to an end! maybe like what G said i should prac reflecting on my life when each year draws to an end, and maybe come up with new year resolutions and stick to it. i have never really done new year resolutions before, so my very first resolution for 2009 is to really stop fooling around in school and take my studies seriously to pull my CAP score up because as much as i wanna go with the flow and just slack around, i do wanna graduate with honours so it would really take a lot of hard work to pull it up from a 2.7 to a 3.5!(im gonna prove my palm wrong and have a fulfilling life even with my 2.7 CAP now) university is like the last stretch of my school life so i better make full use of it and study hard before i start working (urgh)! so means in order to concentrate on my studies i would need to make sacrifices. & maybe the next resolution is to mend broken ties, hopefully! && also to handle my time wisely.

2008 seems to pass by really fast! makes me feel like im ageing really quickly.& like what jiaxin said, it is the year of many firsts. first time having such a long holiday, first job, first time going overseas with friends (i dont really count the primary school experience), first time being forced to be independent because university demands you to handle everything on your own, first time being so very scared about what lies ahead. though 2008 is just another year with 365 days, i felt like i've grown in many ways with regards to my family, friends and myself. i've learnt and tried to understand many things, though even with my effort (maybe not so obvious sometimes) some things just dont seem to change but at least i know i did try. i know that i've pretty much neglected my family always putting them second, i do feel bad and i do make efforts to squeeze in time for them, but it doesnt seem to be enough. sometimes i wish that home can feel more like a home and that my mum can just stop assuming things about me and just try to understand me and see beyond what i express, and see that im really not as bad as she claims me to be, and that i am really trying my best to be a good daughter. hmm i probably suck at showing my true emotions, i should add that to my resolutions, to learn to express the love i feel for everyone.

im really glad that i still have the people whom i care about with me, i know these are the ones that i will keep for life. i can secretly smile to myself thinking about all of you. hopefully we all can grow old together and laugh til our dentures fall out. hoes before bros! & im really thankful for having new friends whom i could add to the list of the people whom i wanna grow old with. & G i know we've been through a whole lot of trials and tribulations this year, but come to think of it, we go through trials and tribulations every year! BUT still we manage to get through all of them and thats the power of it all. && for the munkies, i have to admit that we've all drifted apart it doesnt feel like last time anymore, there's like this huge gap between all of us which doesnt seem to go away. but at least we still bother to meet up, and credits really all go to wanxian. &&& the cj gang, im really so grateful for having you guys in my life, yall give me an experience i've never really experienced before. if it werent for yall, i think i would regret going to cj. &&&& the singapore film people plus jiawen & feizhen, i cant believe in just such a short span of time like 3 months?! we could actually become pretty close. (i will not use mushy terms for fear of jiaxin and bonnie mocking me again) honestly school wouldnt be fun without you guys because yall make going to school less dreadful! jiawen if you're reading this, stop digging up primary school photos already!

2009, a new year (& hopefully a good one too), a new start, but old friendships will still remain, & hopefully school will remain good. im ready to embrace the new :)

<3

2008-12-23T02:27:00.004+08:00

Love, actually

But for now, let me say
(Without hope or agenda)
Just because it's Christmas
(And at Christmas you tell the truth)
To me, you are perfect
And my wasted heart will love you.

i shall make it a point to catch Love Actually this year since i've been catching it every year so i must make it a routine. i feel so warm and so so tremendously fuzzy wuzzy because Christmas is almost here! somehow every Christmas i have this urge to wanna help the needy people around the world. if only this feeling can last forever then i would be able to save many lives. hopefully this year would come to a good ending! & hopefully my results which are coming out in just a few hours time would be good! if not i can curse ever so passionately.

Happy Holidays
xoxo

2008-12-02T00:49:00.002+08:00

my mind feels cluttered urgh i think i'm getting a headache soon. i want to go out there to do new things, run around shrieking my head off, build a rainbow or two. people have their form of escape and you can't really blame them for giving up precious time to indulge in their escape, for example, running, swimming, suntanning, etc etc the list goes on

but i don't really have a form of escape, i do read books sometimes, but sometimes after reading so much like heavy stuff you don't wanna read at all, there's no like beach with a hammock nearby (what would i give to live near a sea)!

watch it burn, let it die

2008-11-04T20:03:00.003+08:00

YES! i finally managed to finish writing my 7 pages long philosophy essay! :D at the start i never believed that i could manage to crap out so many words. okay & its not crap, its pure hard work which i've given up my sleep for! i feel so accomplished now (: finally i have time to get started on my studying. but hopefully this turns out to be a potential A essay to pull my grades up, if not i have to rewrite and go through all the shit again! & its due this friday! so may the power of phong's-essay-writing-skills be with me.

2008-10-29T00:47:00.000+08:00

attachment: more than dependency.

2008-10-23T00:52:00.003+08:00

finally, i feel like im actually making real friends and bonding with them in nus! even though singapore film studies is really taking up so much of our leisure time (we meet up for many hours almost every other day except sundays), we really bonded as a group through all these hardship we faced. we worked our asses off so hard, until we all know each other's quirky behaviours when met with stress. they even chose two icons on msn to represent me already! haha & never put two capricorns together when making a film, if not you'll get many many NGs. & its quite ironic and retarded, in the sense that even though singapore film is so so tiring, but it is actually the only module that i look forward to everyday in school. & now that our film project is almost coming to an end, i kinda feel some sort of sadness within because i dont know if we all will still remain like that even after this project or just move on with our individual lives. okay but i reckon we'll still meet up for gatherings every now and then! (hopefully)

ohya vote for chong jiawen for hey gorgeous! HAHA, dont keel me jiawen.

2008-10-18T01:48:00.005+08:00

ohgosh just when i was looking forward to this week ending, secretly wishing that next week will be an easier week to get by, im hit with the fact that next week is gonna be even worse with so many deadlines to rush. and now i also have to sacrifice my saturdays to have meetings. each week gets longer and longer, there never seems to be an end to the workload :( my weekends are robbed from me. because of filming today, i had to stay in school from morning til way past midnight on a friday night, i was so tired i was practically talking nonsense and making funny noises. but at least my group mates make the job more fun. ohgosh make this end! christmas please come soon! what they said about university life being the best time of your life seems like bullshit now, the best time of my life right now was when i was back in cj. i miss everyone so much :(

2008-10-16T02:09:00.004+08:00

my goddess :)

dont think, just do it. i think sometimes we think so much into something like the consequences and whatsoever, until we end up not having the courage to do what we initially wanted to do anymore. so dont hold back! if you wanna break out in random songs/random dance moves out of the blue in school, just do it dont hold back. if you wanna go around hugging and kissing everyone you see on the cheeks, go ahead just do it dont hold back. if you wanna shit in your pants, go ahead just do it! but i'll run away.

okay im gonna self-praise myself because i think im a rather efficient person today, because i managed to finish compiling the social work report plus write my part so quickly! im quite proud of myself for that (: & finally im getting a life again! im a happy person :D but okay i cannot get too much life, because i have a vision! i wanna go for exchange prog by year 2 sem 2! so i need to buck up on my currently cui CAP score.

im a bit annoyed with the skies, okay maybe not a bit but very annoyed, because when im free and i wanna go for a swim, it always ends up cloudy and rainy, but when im busy with school, its always so scorching hot.

2008-10-01T01:30:00.003+08:00

how do you talk to an angel. its like trying to catch a falling star.

im staring at words and more words about schizo, but i cant seem to absorb anything! :( all the words are like a blur and my mind feels quite hollow feels like my brain ran away. i have no idea how to start writing my psy essay! if only i can bribe someone to do it. & im not looking forward to next mon/tues because i'll be getting my psy results which i have a feeling would be a negative number! i think i was the dumbest psy person taking the test because i was too lazy to find out stuff and also because my internet connection wasnt working. & 2 hours before the test i was getting myself distracted with a lingering image in my head. zzz ok i know i only have myself to blame. i havent seen jiawen and feizhen around for quite awhile and i kinda miss them, hello you two please come back into my life (:

Monday you can hold you head
Tuesday Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday watch the walls instead
It's Friday i'm in love

so im looking forward to friday :D fight or flight.

2008-09-27T17:31:00.004+08:00

zzz my internet connection is spoilt again and im sucking the life out of someone else's modem now which is illegal i think but sssh keep my dirty little secret please.

i was watching the leona lewis - footprints in the sand video and i felt very sad after watching it. if i ever get rich one day, i have a vision to send food over to the hungry every week and start up schools there. i dont know if thats possible because i cant imagine myself being rich. money money money must be funny in a rich mans world.

& that day, and maybe another day, i saw the look of lonliness in someone's eyes something which i havent seen before when she was with us. though im not that close to her, but somehow i can sense it, that even though she is surrounded with so many friends around her, she still seems lonely, cos those friends somehow come across as superficial somewhat to me la. we can be surrounded by so many people in sch even people we know but yet still feel so lonely. then it got me thinking, that we have so many friends on facebook like 319 friends but seriously eh most of them i only know that they exist in this world and nothing else. friends that i consider true friends can be counted with just one hand omg how little! it used to be at least two hands but the amount is dwindling as i grow older, why?! if i plot it out its a downward sloping curve! by the time i am damn old with fraying white hair all wrinkled up like a raisin with sagging boobs, i wont have any friends to attend my funeral anymore if this downward sloping trend continues on. ohno. but i think its really hard if you have so many friends because it gets very hard to maintain the close friendship with everyone, because you have to give everyone a piece of you, and you wont have me time already, and i guess thats why the number of real friends that i have are dwindling because they face the same thing too. we lose some friends in the process due to circumstances and we pick the ones that we wanna keep by our side. which got me to realise that we all actually pick our friends! hmm what are the reasons we use to pick the friends that we keep?

ok i dont really know what im rambling about, psychology is killing me softly. 2 more chapters to go!! school is starting i cant wait for mid terms to be over!

2008-09-20T22:59:00.004+08:00

for a moment i felt like going to ub to study haha! or maybe to be more precise to go US to study! or to be even more precise i feel like going for a holiday in the US like newyork! omg i wanna go to Darien Lake Theme Park! it looks so fun it sounds so fun im sure its damn fun! "*Just to let you know … Darien Lake used to be a former 6 Flags amusement park (which is world-renown for its extreme roller coasters that plunge fear and excitement in all riders)"

dont you feel like going there too! why cant singapore have a decent theme park? escape theme park is too cui already! suddenly im very inspired to go quickly sign up for exchange programmes already i wanna go next sem! and purposely get lost there so i dont need to come back, i will live under brooklyn bridge, dont tell anyone!

2008-09-19T20:58:00.002+08:00

very sad, one of the hamsters died today. the poor little soul looked so sick this whole period dropping so much hair and looking thinner each day, while the other hamster is growing fatter and healthier each day. it made its final last struggle before it was out of breath and lay there so stiff with its eyes open. i bet it was in pain and felt so scared that it was gonna die. no wonder the past few days its been making so much noise. & the vet that time still say its not sick kns go and die.

2008-09-17T12:10:00.004+08:00

omg how can anyone look so alike?! its so freaky its like looking at a clone! i got a shock of my life, my heart almost jumped out of my mouth :O i dont even dare ask for the name. maybe today is clone day, i've been seeing alot of people who look like alot of people. i saw one that looks like phong's brother, another who looks like firman(eew). & i think i need a haircut i look like a zazaza monster! & i always look forward to wednesday but because of stupid spore film group project im tied down and i cant go out tonight already. projects suck! & we're supposed to film a film soon and we're moving along the lines of singapore horror and superstition (sounds quite fun to do but very laychay) & im secretly quite scared to film horror (better go pray first and sacrifice a chicken), even though im secretly the first person in the group to think of a storyline already. urgh i hate mid terms & pimples, my pimple is growing each day, malnutrition pimple no more! :(

i think its very nice to catch up with a long lost friend again, the feeling's quite good (: i feel good nehnehnehnehneh

2008-09-04T23:20:00.003+08:00

i cant wait for the weekends to come! so that i can finally have the time to sit down and watch some shows! greek is out gossip girl is out and now antm cycle 11 has started too! :D im very excited i've so much shows to catch up on so burn the textbooks! i think im a little kuku today so much so that i dont feel like opening my mouth to talk to anyone, i dont really feel myself i feel like im out of my body today. out of the body experience. must be the lack of sleep! haha so sorry to whoever if you think im just ignoring you or make you feel like you're boring me out of my brains! cos thats not the case! okay im supposed to try to go sleep early because i dont wanna be toxic like britney anymore. 939 you're supposed to drink your water! im gonna set alarm to wake up at 9 to drink water and go back to sleep. & no more heavy metal and angry days! out of the blue i suddenly had an atomic kitten fetish the previous night, & i still think jenny's so hot! where did you get your body from?

2008-08-31T02:43:00.001+08:00

im quite satisfied because i've got a new monitor from the pc show though its 22 inches (feels like im watching tv instead of using the com) but at least for now i wouldnt need to see things in yellow anymore! gone are the yellow days. & sasha looks very very good on sucha huge screen! somehow or another i look like a got a tan today which is very very good, when i didnt, maybe its the pills, make me look more radiant because im less intoxicated. or maybe its the bird food, but that doesnt mean i'll eat more bird food to look radiant i think i will be poisoned instead. or maybe my sensory neurons are not functioning well like phong's goosebumps who stand up for singapore doing the best they can, so i end up like blushing the whole day. & hopefully the pills can remove the toxins in my feet, so smelly i cant take it anymore. i feel like jerrica who is rotund and has smelly feet! the exact description of me :( im gonna throw away my shoes and buy new ones already. MESES LOVE IS HERE TODAY PIMPLES ARE NOW HERE TO STAY! i feel like im having the time of my life, like im still holidaying but nvm life still feels good :D

cant fight the moonlight.

2008-08-25T23:34:00.004+08:00

HAHAHA omg damn funny jiawen wants to learn salsa, chacha and the tango! eh call me along okay when you read this because i wanna salsa too :D ohya & this coming wednesday night got some timbre thing at nus ucc, come okay, quite alot of us going!

i think im like poisoned, because my fart kinda stinks these days, and my feet stinks too because of my wet shoe. & ivan's the funniest person i've ever met he's so damn weird and random until it's so funny! && i think listening to hongping talk is quite an interesting affair because he always has such interesting insights to so many things, i feel like i learn alot just by listening to him talk. & i think social work is kinda lame, they make me go for some carnival to give out leaflets, and expect me to write a reflection about what i did! which was only to give out leaflets? whats there to write zzzz

If you are a woman and use pads, but especially if you use tampons, read this.

No wonder so many women in the world suffer from cervical cancer and womb tumors. Have you heard that tampon makers include asbestos in tampons? Why would they do this? Because asbestos makes you bleed more, if you bleed more, you're going to need to use more. Why isn't this against the law since asbestos is so dangerous? Because the powers that be, in all their wisdom(not), did not consider tampons as being ingested, and, therefore, didn't consider them illegal or dangerous. This month's Essence magazine has small article about this and they mention two manufacturers of a cotton tampon alternative. The companies are: Organic Essentials @1-800) 765-6491 and Terra Femme @(800)755-0212.

Tampons contain two things that are potentially harmful: Rayon (for absorbency), and dioxin (a chemical used in bleaching the products). The tampon industry is convinced that we, as women, need bleached white products in order to view the product as pure and clean. The problem here is that the dioxin, which is produced in this bleaching process, can lead to very harmful problems for a woman. Dioxin is potentially carcinogenic (cancer-associated)and is toxic to the immune and reproductive systems. It has also been linked to endometriosis and lower sperm counts for men. For both sexes, it breaks down the immune system.

DO NOT wear the same pad for more than 3 hours of a maximum! After this duration, the genital area is prone to bacterial action and may result in cervical cancer or other complications! REMEMBER! NEVER NEVER NEVER WEAR THE SAME PAD FOR MORE THAN 3 HOURS!

2008-08-17T03:21:00.002+08:00

The Gift Of Nothing

It was a special day for Mooch.
He wanted to give his best friend, Earl, a gift.
But what to give him?
He had a bowl.
He had a bed.
He had a chewy toy.
he had it ALL.
Mooch thought and thought.
What do you get for someone who has everything?
NOTHING.
He would give Earl the gift of nothing.
But in this world filled with so many somethings, where could he find nothing?
Mooch often heard Frank say "there's nothing on TV"
But as far as Mooch could tell, there's always something on TV.
Mooch often heard Dory and her friends say "there's nothing to do"
But as far as Mooch could tell, everybody was always doing something.
Millie came home from the store and said, "There's nothing to buy"
So Mooch went shopping.
and saw "SALE!" "BUY!"
Mooch looked up and down every aisle.
He found many many many somethings.
The latest this, the newest that.
but as far as he could tell, NOTHING was not for sale.
So Mooch went home and sat on his pillow.
and just stayed still ( as cats often do)
And not looking for it,
he found, NOTHING.
So he went and got a box.
and put nothing in it.
Then Mooch thought, "hmmm, maybe Earl deserves more than this."
So he got a bigger box.
"Now there's PLENTY OF NOTHING"
~went over to Earl's house~
"For me?" said Earl, "Mooch, you didnt have to give me anything"
'Who told him?' thought Mooch.
Earl opened Mooch's gift.
? *blank face*
"There's nothing here" said Earl.
"Yesh" said Mooch.
"nothing...", "but me and you".
*embrace*
So Mooch and Earl just stayed still and enjoyed nothing
and
everything.

i didnt know sylvia typed the whole thing out! haha oshkosh b'gosh i think im abit too hormonal or smth cos the more i think of cherie's face (be it damn retarded or disgusting), the tears cant stop welling up in my eyes! im so weird! scully i end up crying every night for a month like what happened when rachel left omg. okay okay i better get a grip and keep the tears for friday! please dont laugh at me if i cry like mad on friday and end up with goldfish eyes in school.

回到過去

2008-08-16T00:12:00.003+08:00

this is the very original piece of work i did way past midnight which zhp asked me to edit so it'll look better! but i thought it was good enough.

today i felt handicapped without my car its like eating chicken rice without the chicken! and so i met a very disgusting taxi-driver! i've never met anyone so impatient in my life before! omg he was the ultimate! i felt like i was in a death cab. death cab for cutie. he kept tsk-ing to himself, and kept occupying two lanes on the road to see which one moved faster. i hate such drivers! but obviously i couldnt say it or show it since weak and frail girl me could never fight a man like him. not like i was rushing him or anything! & the only thing i paid attention to in philosophy lesson today was that sometimes we have to tell a lie to help guide others towards the right way. i better go read up on my notes and study the greek gods! GREEK i like :D & i think the archi people can recognise me already since i keep visiting sylvia almost everyday! okay i feel like doing some textures!

ohya and to add to that! my savings like never increase! i think zoo never pay me for two months omg i feel like killing them now! suddenly i feel so used and abused! like free labour lor what is this! i better go update my bank book asap zzzz

2008-08-13T00:12:00.002+08:00

haha i still think this is the best picture i did last night seriously! im not trying to mock or anything. im proud of my masterpiece, this picture evolved from the smug face! it looks scary but if you see it from another angle its really quite pretty! :D nicole thinks so too okay phong

2008-08-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

lemme share an entertaining video from rag day! HAHA

"Speaking of which, I certainly do not enjoy long bus rides especially when I'm trying my best to remain calm, and fucking control my bowels! Wah lao eh, really jialat leh, I tell you. Half of the time, I'm literally talking to myself in my head to ease the agony. :'( And the other half of the time, I'm desperately thinking of possible locations to alight and find myself a toilet… Sigh, I can blame no one except my ever-so-efficient bowels, but still, I love them! MUAHAHAHA! Bittersweet"

HAHA jiawen is so funny seriously i think its a gemini thing, i see her face i feel like laughing now.

2008-08-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

my adventure with mr puke-inducing! YES the worst thing that could happen to me with a cockroach happened to me! EEW right! it all happened not too long ago on a not so distant land, when i was sitting on my bed folding my mum's clothes, mr puke-inducing decided to give me an oh-not-so-pleasant surprise! he sprang out of mumsy's shirt, and scampered across the whole length of my leg into my folded shorts then onto my sister's blanket then onto my blanket then across the whole length of my pillow! yucks, the feeling across the leg was utterly disgusting! i was and still am so grossed out i refuse to sleep in bed now and i went to bathe myself twice to make sure i was clean. cockroaches are so redundant i dont even know why they exist! off with all their heads!!

2008-07-30T01:24:00.002+08:00

URGH disgusting Mr/Mrs-Secret-Private-House-Bastard/Bitch! & i thought that these rich private house people will be a lil' more civilised (since i presume that they are well educated) and not go around SCRATCHING PEOPLE'S CAR!! even when i park illegally at HDB estates/ near construction sites my car doesnt get scratched not even an eyelash long! URGH! my heart aches for my poor car, kena abused secretly. the scratch is so deep and long please, i can totally see it from miles away! (even though i dont know how long is a mile, but it sounds long.) and i took so much care to protect my car from any bumps or scratches and this idiot happily scratch it like no one's business! like this stupid bastard or bitch not only scratched my car, he/she scratched so many cars before me including my dad's car! seriously this person should be caught and put on crime watch! thats why my dad's on a mission tonight and for the next few months to come to catch this scratcher! i mean like fine they bought the landed property, but hello at least i never intrude into your property and park right at your doorstep! if thats the case then go ahead and scratch! but NO i park on the road without double yellow lines which is two cars breadth away from everyone's gate so thats not illegal! even if you own the landed property you dont own the road! i dont see the road named after you! unless you're weird enough to have a name called Jalan and surname Binchang! whatever i hate you obviously not secretly, like i how i hated the van driver who caused me to fail my driving test! i feel like throwing dog shit in your face and hang a pig's head on your door whoever you ah you just wait and see! prepare to see yourself on crime watch! and see me/my dad get an award from the police for helping them catch the deadly secret scratcher!

okay apart from that, omg school's starting soon in a week's time! theres actually so many things i think i should know and go find out about cause i dont know anything about school, about modules and courses and exam timetables and all. im still kinda confused about everything. like everyone knows everything except me! if only there can be a secret angel in disguise to help explain to me all over again. but im getting quite excited deciding on what im gonna do for my first sem! which is south asian studies, econs, psychology, philosophy and maybe french or german or japanese! (: hopefully i can bid for those! but im not quite excited about the friends part. i dont have any friends which is damn pathetic, i can seriously count the number of people i know now in my future school on like....one and a half hands. but okay i made a new friend yesterday! good job me keep up the good work! hopefully my friendliness doesnt come off as weird to the people in fass.

thunder thighs, jelly bellies, flabby arms, sagging nehnehs. i shall just repeat those phrases to myself continuously. hahaha i was just insulting gwen yesterday like OMG YOU'RE DISGUSTINGLY FAT LA! all in the hopes of motivating you to go faster and longer ah, not insulting you or anything okay gwen! its an amazing tactic and the best part is that it works! all you have to do is repeat the magical words and you'll find the determination to go farther! its as magical as OPEN SEASAME!

& i finally got my new laptop today! plus 2 two weeks old hamsters, which i think hate me because they not only bite me but also hissed at me so loudly! i got sucha shock i didn't know hamsters could hiss at all! >:O

2008-07-26T01:43:00.003+08:00

i was just reading an article because i feel quite incompetent compared to phong who somehow knows everything about everything! she's quite amazing actually, how she managed to store so much info in her head and actually get down to doing so much research on them. secretly a nerd in disguise! anyway HAHA this is about children's names in New Zealand. its really quite interesting to see the kind of names parents give their kids! there's a girl called "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" yes that whole long chain of words is her name! there's even one called "Fish and Chips" and "Number 16 Bus Shelter " HAHA! i'll be damn embarrassed to tell my friends my name if im them please. poor kids i pity them, they'll have like some social disability la. what weird names parents give their kids! tsk tsk

2008-07-24T04:08:00.001+08:00

how can a stranger choose to see the person i knew look so familiar out of so many people. "i feel like i refuse and to believe bring myself :(" someone changed you yet at the same time? you've so much believe in back then. still your day delete may have made better, i still if i was there why did i only cant to i. you

how 5 lines collide. haha! this does not any make sense

2008-07-21T02:41:00.004+08:00

the previous post wasn't meant to be an emo post eh hahaha i dont see how ALAKAZAM VAVAVROOM can sound emo. it was just a one second kind of weird feeling i've never felt before. hahaha ohmygawd i think im getting high on air or there's too much endorphins running through my brain! im like giggling to myself over nothing i feel like a serious psycho! i think my official get high time at night starts from 2-3am which is quite lag considering cherie'e get high time is like at 10pm! i have a sudden urge to run out on the streets naked and break out in random dance moves to the song of bu yao wen wo cong na li lai.

even this can qualify for fotodecadent ah, i think we've got many fotodecadent shots in our collection then, like the famous smug face haha!

friends dont let friends dial drunk - plain white t's

2008-07-20T02:48:00.004+08:00

for a moment i felt like i was trapped in the past but didn't know it, and everyone was getting along with their own lives not knowing that im stuck there in time. i think it feels quite scary and sad to be stuck in time alone because you don't know what's going on ahead of you, without you being a part of it. okay i sound like a crazy person talking at 2.55am so ya whatever. im secretly a time travller! ALAKAZAM VAVAVROOM

why can't we just stay like this forever?

2008-07-14T00:39:00.004+08:00

ohmygosh this is super gaowei! im like totally missing all the datelines for all the university admin stuff! & i'll have to call them tmr. i think they probably blacklisted me already or smth for missing so many datelines! zzz i hate this. why cant it be automatically updated/registered on its own when they have all my infomation! they should realise that they are people like me out there who can't be bothered to read their lenghty freshmen guide because i assumed that the whole booklet isn't important because nothing in it is bolded. act useless only that book, what a bittersweet facade. besides there are too many words in it to be processed when my brain hasn't been functioning for the past 6 months. they should at least email me or smth when i've missed whatever dateline. rrrr so laychay! im starting to hate uni even though it hasn't started!

2008-07-13T02:15:00.004+08:00

i think im gonna hate changi airport's departure hall soon i tell you! like so many people's leaving or have left, its really very sad to have to deal with the departures in the coming months. i know they're not gonna be gone forever, but im scared we all will drift apart, its already quite hard maintaining a close relationship with all your friends in tiny singapore. i dont know if its inevitable or what but like those friends who have left me, they were once so close yet the distance was able to drive us apart, so from close friends we became friends to becoming just acquaintances. haha or maybe i was just too weird to be part of their social circle. oh gosh i feel so choked up with emotions suddenly. yes this entry is for you cherie! i wont be able to see your stupid face so often anymore and im really sad i think i will cry buckets when i send you off. so be prepared!

you deserved to be shot! i hope the sisterhood can live on forever and ever.

-

im just staring at the words again and again until they all make sense.

2008-07-10T01:21:00.002+08:00

Either I'm being superbly lame and childish or I actually think that The Suite Life Of Zack & Cody is really very funny.

2008-07-09T13:21:00.003+08:00

After so long I finally went to run 2.4 plus swim a few extra laps! YES YES YES I can feel my body tonning up and building muscles. Soon I will be little miss macho you just wait and see! NOT I dont wanna be macho like * that's gross! Together with the body sculpting gel, I'm sure I can be beautifully sculpted like Stamford Raffle's statue. Err uh oh I think my comp is gonna spoil soon because the whole screen is like yellow! Attack of the Jondis. & finally I've written my love letter to Jerrica, sealed with a kiss. It's so laychay I don't know why I have to write it when I only work part-time! Zzz. Like phong doesn't seem to need to write ah! I think they secretly hate me, make me do all the laychay stuff.

2008-07-01T17:47:00.004+08:00

A few days back i had a pretty nice dream which put a smile on my face when I woke up, even though it was super random and weird and definitely will never happen in reality. & I was browsing through old photos on my comp and with a start of horror, shock, and realisation, I came to the conclusion that I really do miss the days plus people in CJ! It really made my junior college life what it was.

Till now, I'm still confused and not entirely convinced I'm going to make the right choice. Something's niggling at me. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's just so.....UGHHHHHHHHH CONFUSING. Utterly utterly utterly confusing and I hate it because it's going NOWHERE in my brain and it's all just going round and round and round. It's all about opportunity cost, isn't it? You weigh up the situation and decide whether its better in your interest to continue or just stop.

When we decide to give it up, we fall short of what we probably could have had. What we could have gained in comparison to what we gave up.

& to my utmost dismay, I also realised with shock horror and absolute madness that I do miss you, even if you have gone from my life for like.....MONTHS. Some things do feel different without you around, and perhaps I should apologise. But I have absolutely no idea what to apologise for. Maybe it is you that should do the apologising? or maybe no one has to apologise at all. HMMMMMMMMMM? But I have somehow got used to fact that we probably won't be speaking to each other for the rest of our lives even though kinda gets to me but I have to live with it. I hope things will get better for you.

&& it really sucks when you know you can't do anything about a situation or someone's problem, even though you'd really really like to help the person. Guess the only thing you can do at that point is listen and insert appropriately sympathetic noises at appropriate moments. But then and again, isn't life kind of about these kind of situations?

We all want to help those that need help, but unfortunately we can't because we have no power to. Ultimately, it is up to the person to decide what course of action she/he must take, and follow it through.

<3

I feel like I need another holiday even though i just got back from one not too long ago. What do you do when you feel like you've lost yourself/your identity/what you really are along the way? Okay maybe I'm just being hormonal. Zzz me! I need to pee. I feel like going for a night drive later. 123 get ready lets go!

Oh and happy birthday dear nicole <3

2008-06-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

Rules of the Taggy Quiz:

A] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by

themselves.
B] Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person

whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Here are my answers:

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
i will do some serious crying and stone most of the days and wont really be able to accept it. then maybe after all that crying then i will start thinking why and secretly hate the bitch plus him.

#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
to finally see myself with a flat stomach and hot legs and a tanned bod after 19 years of living and make sure it stays that way.

#3. If you could be at one place right now, where would it be?
in bed because i feel so freaking sleep deprived like my eyes are just gonna fall out of their sockets and dangle because for the past week i havent been sleeping for more than 5hours! my bed is screaming out to me.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
im more of scared than confused. i cant imagine what the future ahead is like and what i wanna make out of this life. ya im very scared to die secretly. not so secret now.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
someone who can make me smile silly without even having to say or do anything.

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
most probably being loved.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
depends.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
i'll continue to secretly liking the person because im too chicken to do anything. but i think after awhile i will just forget it and move on with life.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
my passport! zzz i was very annoyed til i kept dreaming of stealing my own passport.

#10. What do you want most in life?
i still wanna be a marine biologist but it feels so mission impossible. i wanna have kids and i want them to be happy and let them explore stuff out themselves like dora the explorer, i want them to be cool kids but if they decided not to be cool, i will not force them. & retire early and go round the world in more than just 80days. & i wanna die happy (DUH! who wants to die sad), knowing i had made the most out of my life.

#11. Is being tagged fun?
ya its very fun im having a ball of a time! WOOHOOHEEHEE OOPS

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
i see myself being fat. yucks very gross i dont wanna be an auntie with flabby arms and bulging extra large muffin top and cellulite infested thighs! i cant imagine myself in the future no matter how many times i go to phuture. maybe i'll become a job hopper, because i get sick of work so easily. omg that means my life ahead will be a tough one since my income will be so unstable! but actually i kinda wanna do many things, like open a restaurant, a theme park, a club and a hotel.

#13. Who is the current most important person to you?
i dont know.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
phong.

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
haha rich and single for now, then by the time i get married i will be sufficient, i dont need to be rich i just need to be sufficient to get by and i will be happy.

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
phong the human pet. haha no i want a dolphin or a killer whale but thats quite huge for a pet. whateverrr.

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do?
to think too much into things and get upset.

#18. What kind of person do you think you are?
you say leh! im not gonna tell you.

#19. What do you define as a bad day?
when it starts off on the wrong foot, and just keeps getting worse later in the day until you feel like beating yourself up because its so frustrating.

#20. If you have to choose between love and friendship, what would it be?
the word 'AND' because between 'love and friendship' is the word 'and' hurhur this is so lame im rolling eyes at myself even though i dont know how to roll. i bet whoever is reading is rolling too. okay but i will choose love, because in friendship theres love too, so love is practically a subset of most relationships. you can have a friendship with a friend but not necessary love the friend as a friend.

eh i tag whoever wants to do.

2008-06-01T18:22:00.001+08:00

2008-06-01T02:29:00.004+08:00

SUDDENLY i really miss the Crazy Girls School's girls. even though i still think the idea of digging up the embarrassing disgusting photos and putting it on facebook was bad! but okay it kinda like did serve its purpose and made me reminisc the good ol' days, not that im very old.

i miss my sec3-4 class though it was quite dysfunctional. i dont have my sec1-2 class photo so i cant post it, but i miss that class pretty much too. all the scoldings i had to bear from ms chia, whole day come "BAN ZHANG" me. omg i wanted to keel clarice back then.

i dont know what inspired us to hide in the cupboard and take this photo.

not forgetting the munkies, i really miss yall alot! please hang out when jan's back on wed.

this was my favourite out of all the utterly embarrassing lot. haha bianzi was cool! still is (:

oh yay its sunday means nicole's coming back! (:

2008-05-31T15:51:00.002+08:00

i finally bought a fitting bikini which is totally like a dalmatian colour, but i like! woof woof. wouldnt need to worry about peek-a-boob/peek-two-boobs days no more! i always wanted to have a bikini collection ah, but its quite an expensive collection to have. heehee im very happy i cant wait to go tanning to wear it! but i think happygalz88 was happier cos she kept admiring the bikinis more than once haha! visit the art of seduction for good bikinis and good service. you buy from them, & immediately in the blink of an eye, you'll master the art of seduction. I PROMISE, mathilda koh promises too.

& OMG whats with the influx of reminiscing the good ol' days photos on facebook! i see until my eyes wanna corrode, i need to dig a hole to hide. i wanna keel people already.

2008-05-26T10:32:00.002+08:00

i just sent nicole off to china, booo! i felt so sad i wanted to cry but i acted like i wasnt if not she and her friends will think im so weird, and her friends will mock her and she'll be so embarrassed and she will hate me. i asked her to write to me every night and she already thinks im so weird. the house feels so empty now. im so worried about her, im scared the plane will crash, im scared that there will be earthquakes, im scared she'll get lost or kidnapped, im scared her roommate is some serial killer even though she looks so weak and frail, it could be a facade you'll never know! but okay maybe its time for her to grow up and be independent. my little friend has got more activities than i do, like after her china trip she'll have some camp at chuachukang (i think its the same campsite kelvin worked at before) i wish i can be her camp instructor. okay i'll stop sounding like some psycho possessive sister. im still trying to think of a way to make my appeal to ntu sound outstanding, so got suggestions can tell me (: & i just went to spy on the hockey juniors. omg they're so united which is a really good thing! i hope they'll go far. they even had a hockey camp! we didnt even have sucha thing for our batch ): they looked so much like a happy family in those photos, i wish i was in the pictures too, be it the white board or floors anything i wont mind.

2008-05-10T02:20:00.003+08:00

omg im really excited the season finale of antm next week! i hope there can be two winners because i really heart anya and fatima many many, but come on la as if right. HAHA & i think anya's really funny lemme quote her, "to be with dominique this long its just so frustrating. she just drains all my energy. i feel myself melting. IM MELTING AHHH I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

omg number two! my legs are crumbling seriously my knee caps are gonna drop off! today gwen and i happily took our bike license, and went to cycle our lives away. wow what a ride of our lives! this shows how fat i am, because i got so tired after cycling a short distance. lousy me! & im angsty because there wasnt any grotesque or however you spell it, bike anymore. i got some stupid akimbo bike which sucks like qianghao. haha! i dont know why, but today we just like kinda laughed at everything. i still dont get what was so funny about the plane and at macs, it was just HAHA funny at that point in time. gwen you wanna eat anything else? & rubberband sweets isnt a weird thing to eat okay i like, i know you secretly like too thats why eat until so little left. ohya & gwen please dont be selfish and send me the photos, esp the foto decadent ones of you.

& on wed night, lemme just kope from gwen because im a lazy fat ass. "MET sherilyn in the evening at Central for dinnnner.besties outing!She asked me to blog about this so here I am!The night seemed somewhat longer than expected.We ate at like Waraku and Subway.No actually I didnt eat the cold-cut.She did.(& gwen didnt stop me from eating so much she just let me eat my life away)& we were sitting in awkward positions.No actually she pulled her chair to sit right beside me cause she loves me too much.HAHA.No actually it was cause of the fengshui,it was way too windy on her side her hair went berserk.& anw the gist of this entry is to say how we,ermmmzzz(inside joke) went to arena cause it was ermmzz ladies night & sherilyn just couldnt wait to get her hands onto the ermmmz ,vodka-.- yesssssss.& I missed out on my hazlenut ice-cream:( BUT,I got alot of nice food from the jap supermarket((: Had funnnnn(: Pictures up later!Cam batt was freaking low last night :("

haha the ermzzz thing is quite funny i should go back arena and befriend the lady.

i like my duck face, how foto decadent!

2008-05-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

i was just flipping through the tv channels today (flip like a penguin) when i decided to settle for the ellen degeneres show, which brought me to know margaret cho. & i just went to search about her, reading through her blog entries and catching some of her shows on youtube, & i've got to say she's like really funny. the way she talks about all kinds of topics is really very interesting. go check it out margaretcho.com!

lemme show you some snippets from her blog entries to get you started.

"Besides, turbans can look cute! I have one, but I don’t wear it, because I already have a giant head and the problem with turbans is they can make your head look much bigger than it is. Then also, remembering that the camera adds ten pounds, I would completely exceed the size of anybody’s screen and would only able to be in IMAX movies"

"I’m crazy about hiking. It’s true. I am a bit of a creepy nature girl, riding my bike everywhere. Next time you see me I will be wearing a beard made of bees"

"He is my big dog and I love him and I love everything about him and of him and in him and outside of him. Even his big big big XXXL size poos. I weirdly like picking up dog poo because it is hot – like laundry out of the dryer – but or course, it isn’t laundry because I wouldn’t wanna fold it and it isn’t as nice when it gets cold. I also really enjoy his old man sulfurous dog farts. It smells like I am at a hot springs and I feel really relaxed."

HAHAHA im starting to love her.

2008-05-05T16:34:00.002+08:00

FINALLY the day has arrived, though this time i didnt wish as hard enough as last time but still the license (which is just a piece of paper, & i battled hard for a piece of paper) dropped from the sky into my hands! yeah baby! its the time to disco. & hopefully get my hands on my long awaited car soon weewooo (: good things come to those who wait. & who knows, maybe claire was really my secret lucky star.

2008-05-04T19:21:00.002+08:00

sophia called me at like midnight yesterday having like panic attacks on the phone, which got me worrying about uni as well. im a loser so therefore no school has offered me any places when so many others have gotten their acceptance letters! & therefore i have not idea where im going to study if i dont receive anything by june! its not like i dont check online or my mail, i've checked both! but nothing still! so i just have to slowly accept the fact that my grades suck.

okay & im quite scared for my driving test tmr! but i'll have to act like im not a scaredy cat. im a pro. semi-pro

2008-05-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

im sorry

2008-05-01T00:32:00.002+08:00

i know a place where we can hide out
turn our hearts inside out
they won't know who we are ;

sometimes being able to forgive and forget isn't a good thing because everytime i try to put what my mum had done behind me, and start treating her nice, she starts all these endless words of insults again and then i'll start regretting. i mean if she aims it at me then fine, she dont need to put my poor sister through all this shit as well. and so i've regretted countless times, it only leaves me feeling so foolish for even trying. i don't really know what to do about it so its quite sad. since she keeps asking me to pack up and leave for my ahma's house then fine i will grant her her wish soon. im sure i can survive better than her being over there. anywhere is definitely better than home. what a sad life.