12:21 PM
This song never fails to get me to calm down everytime I get all worked up, especially when I try singing along to the entire song, love fun. :)
Love/hate relationships - what's this all about? How can we love yet hate someone all at the same time? I think in this life I've gotta to learn to love more and hate less, but that's really so much easier said than done because bad memories always seem to linger and are always brought to mind so much more readily. I got so pissed off just now I could literally bite a head off, and I went to look back at my diary entries way back then, and all the emotions that I felt back then surged through me like they were still so damn fresh from memory, so raw. All the words still ring so clearly in my head. All these emotions just build up over the years, what I saw back then is still what I see now. I really want to purge all these emotions out. I constantly ask myself why, but never once did I get an answer. Can the good memories justify/erase the bad? I really try to put myself in others' shoes, but who's gonna try putting theirs in mine? If you can't tolerate it anymore, do you still swallow everything down? I read most of my diary entries, some I can't remember what I was writing about, if only memories can be so disposable, but then even if I can run from my memories, I can't run away from my life right now.
Anyway sometimes I think I'm too entrenched in my own thinking, which is really bad because then I can't seem to think out of the box! & I have to get my design and storyboard out this week omg. & some project mates just seem so annoying that I'll rather work on my own than with them. Even with all the work, somehow I feel that I'm kinda taking the backseat for this sem, and just taking things slow which somehow feels like a bad thing...maybe it's a year 3 syndrome.
4:44 AM
12:25 AM
& today every moment felt so fleeting, I wanted to grab a hold on time and just stop it for awhile. I'm already starting to miss my friend :(
2:26 AM
Photo courtesy of Gwen :) Scooby's been a real angel today, he allowed me to clean him properly without a struggle, it's really ONCE in a blue moon. & today I found out that he's very close to getting this skin problem cos of constant contact with his pee due to our negligence in cleaning his cage :( No wonder he's been scratching so much and shedding when he's not supposed to shed. His hind legs look so botak now, I feel so sad whenever I see his hind legs. Oh dear I feel like I've been abusing him all these while!
Hmm and now I'm supposed to write a letter but I don't know how to get down to it. 6 months still feels okay, but being away for 1 year feels like a long long time! From this friendship I know that how deep a friendship is cannot be measured by time.
12:25 AM
"When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right?...Why? Because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything to say, 'The whole world is mine,' But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned the lesson...We can take nothing with us."
"They count as quite forgot,
They are as men who have existed not,
Theirs is a loss pass loss of fitful breath
It is the second death"
The second death, it's like ceasing to exist at all since the future generations would have no memory of you, or even knowledge of your existence. It's pretty scary now that I think about it again, it's as if my whole life didn't matter. & maybe that's why we all work so hard to make our mark to be known. & this is where faith comes in. Since we all will not be remembered in so many years (unless we become some big shot celebrity like MJ), what we believe in and have helped passed on to our young ones about tradition, about God is the thing that is going to keep us all connected.
Ok apart from this, it also touches a little on wars that have been fought over religions, the "us" versus "them" mindset that divides faith around the world.
"Why did God create but one man?...Why, if he meant for there to be faiths bickering with each other, didn't he create that from the start? He created trees, right? Not one tree, countless trees. Why not the same with man? Because we are all from that one man - and all from that one God. That's the message"
& then we have the great tradition of running away from God even when presented with many opportunities to bring God into our lives. When things are all fine and dandy, there is a lack of need for God. And besides who has the time? We only approached God whenever we need some kind of help, so it was sort of like a "you go your way, I'll go mine" arrangement. Now I feel kinda sad for God since most of us take God for granted, we only seek when we need something.
Anyway I wish the day where I can say that my parents aren't perfect but they don't need any improvements, will come. Sometimes I really can't stand the way my parents act, it's easy to say that they aren't perfect but it's very hard for me to say that they don't need any improvements. Just goes to show that I haven't accepted them for the way they are, which shouldn't be the case since they are family. I tell myself to be patient with them, but somehow I just can't help but get impatient. When will that day come when I can finally accept them for the way they are...I don't wanna be too late and regret all the things I ever said and did to them.
Hmm I was watching 蒲松齡 before reading this book and it was a good show, very touching even though the computer effects for the supernatural and mystical stuff looked pretty lame, but the meaning behind the story struck me. It really showed that humans when taken the wrong path in life can be even more evil than ghosts and foxes, such that at the end 蒲松齡 would rather live with ghosts and foxes rather than to stay with humans and see/tolerate their evil sides. Somehow I'm pretty fascinated with all these Chinese folktales now, they talk about stuff which are even applicable now, and they give an insight on the kind of stuff the people believed in back then. I don't mind reading books on them but they are without a doubt gonna be in Chinese! If only there's English translation for them or something, but then again if it's in English some of the meaning would probably be lost.
& I was just looking through the photos of those who just graduated, which makes me kinda nervous because it will be my turn next year if I don't do honors, at the same time I don't really want that day to come so soon because that would really mark the end of my education life which means WORK SOON - another phase of my life to embark on! Scary!
3:21 AM
GERMANY FTW! I'm all ready for them to win the world cup, scooby's even got a Germany shirt all ready now! :D
1:27 AM